Tosh.0 – Web Redemption – Monster Energy


The letter “vav”
is also the number 6– short top, long tail. Short top,
long tail. You could have here,
in Hebrew, “666” on the can. And look at it this way. Even if the “M”
was not the issue, you cannot deny that
that is a cross. And what is witchcraft? When the cross
goes upside down. Bottom’s up. And the devil laughs.
Hmm. Eh, it’s not like
Jesus Juice has such a glowing
reputation either. That crusader
is Christine, and like every woman
in the world, she might be reading
into things a little too much. My true fans know
this show is full of hidden messages. Not much is known
about the devil, except that he is
the root of all evil, has an awful goatee,
and wears Prada. All signs point
to it being Kanye. God is like
your strict father who is always
disappointed in you, and Satan is
your fun uncle who eventually rapes you
in the butt. If Jesus wants to appeal
to a younger demo, he’s gonna have
to start showing up on something
cooler than toast. Hell just seems like
the place to be. None of that
annoying harp music. Did Lucifer fall
from Heaven, or did he jump because he was tired
of playing bingo with everyone’s boring
dead grandparents? And say what you will
about Satan worshippers, but nobody’s ever been
blown to smithereens just for drawing
a cartoon of him. I don’t know
why Christine cares about saving
BMXers and gamers from the clutches
of Monster Energy drink, but I’ll fly her to L.A. as long as she promises
to say more crazy [bleep]. And if the devil
doesn’t like it, he can sit on a tack, in this week’s
Web Redemption. [heavy metal music] ♪ ♪ I should’ve known
you worked for Red Bull. I don’t.
I just got an amazing deal. You wouldn’t believe
how much a car depreciates when you weld a giant soda can
to the top of it. I’d believe it. Thank you for coming. I’m trying to develop
my own energy drink. Celebrities are putting
their names on these things, and they’re making
tons of cheddar. Do you know what the biggest
problem I had with your video? That every single thing you said
made sense to me. [snorts]
Okay. Your delivery
was polished. It made sense to even people
that probably thought you were a nut job. I apologize,
but there are some. It was, yeah. And then how you
finished it. Bottom’s up. And the devil laughs. (Daniel)
It was just
a perfect punctuation. God gave me that gift to be able to present it
in a way that was perfect. And then he said,
“Okay, now is the time where you’re gonna
go viral .” There was a spiritual
agenda here. And it goes right back
to the Bible. It’s not flesh and blood
we war against. It’s the principalities
of the air, and if you’re not
familiar with that– – I’m not.
– Those are demons. Oh. As a good Christian, what energy drink
should I be drinking? Mountain Dew. – Ugh.
– [laughs] I think Christians
should only drink lemonade. Well, of course,
lemonade’s good. It’s nice. What else makes
the devil laugh? Your show. [laughs] TOSH: Taking Others
Straight to Hell. Thank you? I don’t know
if that’s a compliment. It’s not. What are the biggest problems
facing society today? Things like your show–
immorality. You’re putting
a lot on me. Yeah, I am,
because you are– You ever seen South Park? You’re right in
with that. But South Park
is way worse. You’re still in
the same genre. When the rapture comes,
who’s getting it first? Will you get to go? Who are the first people
that are gonna– Will you get to go? The rapture is not gonna come
while I’m still alive. According to the Bible,
it will. How do you know
when I’m gonna die? Boom. Are you worried that
your video has helped the sales of
Monster Energy drink? No,
but if the world wants to increase it,
go ahead. I would be interested to hear
what first quarter sales are. Yeah. My biggest fear is that
I speak to someone and I do not share
the gospel with them and they go
to hell for it. My biggest fear
is monsters. Not the stupid drink, but actual monsters. Have you ever tasted
Monster Energy drink? Yes, I have. I did when I first started
doing the presentation. I figured I had to know
a little bit of what I am
talking about. I have never tried it. – Okay.
– For the record. There’s no question that people that buy
this stuff regularly will not succeed
in life. Do you think the head CEO
of a company is, like, calling his
personal assistant, “Hey, I’m out of Monster Energy
drink in here.” No, he’s asking
for some tea. All right. Oh, whoa! I’ll be honest with you–
that was cool. Okay, now– Was that the beast? Can you see the connection when you actually
put the cross with “Unleash the Beast”? 666. There is no doubt that you are
accurate about the 666, but, I mean, they did it
because they’re ad execs, and they’re a bunch of geeks sitting around,
trying to be cool. Or, if God uses people
in product, does also Satan? He doesn’t do that. Here, I don’t want us
to have to actually– Now what are you gonna do? Well, we–I don’t want us
to swallow this garbage. I just want us
to taste it. [demonic laughter] Keep it down. Okay, let’s just–
bottom’s up. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. All right, Christine,
I need another set of eyes to make sure there’s nothing
subtly offensive or sacrilegious about
the energy drinks that I’m trying to create. Okay, this one–
ow, ow! It’s called Stigmata Soda. See? It pokes you– I get it. Muslim Milk. This is a winner. But energy drinks
are not milk. I don’t understand
your concept. – Muslim Milk.
– I know that. Muslim Milk.
Hummus flavored. It’s actually–
I’ll be honest with you, this tastes 1,000 times
better than Monster. This one’s called
Jewy Juice. “Israeli refreshing.” Not bad, right? What’s the punch line? “Is…raeli.” This one–I don’t think
there’s any way you can say that
there’s anything… – Offensive.
– Sacrilegious about– Oh, no, there’s
definitely gonna be something offensive
about it. This is Dr. Huxtable’s
Anti-Energy Elixir. (Christine)
What happened to his eye
on there? Bill Cosby is
blind as a bat. I did not know. Yeah, he can’t see a thing, except for, apparently, the bottle of Quaaludes
in his nightstand. This is Alabama’s
Ice-T’s Nuts. A tea-bagging tradition
from our family to yours. Roll T. All right, Christine. I really appreciate
your feedback. I think I finally understand the direction I need
to take my brand. Well, let’s do this. Let’s put the word
“TOSH” on it. Look at the acronym.
TOSH. Taking Others
Straight to Hell. Why do you keep
saying that? Because it is true. Introducing Satan’s Semen. Coat your throat with Beelzebub. (man)
Now with unholy levels
of caffeine and throbbing veins
for better grip. Served exclusively
on United Airlines and at participating
Chipotle locations. Currently banned
in the Bible Belt. [demonic laughter] [gags] That’s real. The devil is a lie! That was recorded
a month ago, and all we ask of anyone
who comes on this show is, don’t do anything insane
before it airs. So what did she do
the day after she left here? Celebrate the seventh
Texas Muslim Capitol Day. We are honored– [cheers and applause]
– Thank you. I proclaim the name
of the Lord Jesus Christ over the capital
of Texas. I stand against Islam! Islam will never dominate
the United States, and by the grace of God,
it will not dominate Texas! You are officially
unredeemed!

100 Comments

  1. She may be nuttier than squirrel turds in a pistachio factory, but I think she is right about the monster thing because my dad thought of that about five years before this lady did.

  2. Plot twist: shes was paid by monster to make that money and it helped their sales.

    That's the same tactic rockstar games used to boost gta sales and theres evidence in their case. Many companies are likely to adopt rockstar games marketing strategy.

  3. You can easily tell, she sipping that crazy bitch drink! otherwise how else can you explained her crazy ass behavior!

  4. I really want to see her during her demo and ask to see the can and drink it and walk away. Monster is the only good energy drink that works for me.

  5. Thought she was a quack about the Monster thing, but when she interrupted the muslim conference, I fell in love with her!

  6. This lady is a sociopath psychopath and a narcissist. Remind me of the biggest piece of shit I know of, my mom, the cunt. 🖕brenda

  7. I literally just found out the video of her was taken in the small town where I live. I had no clue she was at the civic auditorium lmao small world

  8. Funny that he said that because my boss or my ex-boss of a company I used to work for he was the son of the owner and he would have a guy go fetch him a Monster energy drink every day out of the vending machine LMFAO

  9. Wow. It’s called monster. It has monster claw marks. I’m a Christian. Die hard. This lady just wants attention. It’s just a drink with a lot a caffeine with a creative logo to go with the name.

  10. You know what, D Tosh, take your feelings about Satan being your fun uncle who eventually violates you and go live in that, sweetheart. Seriously, why don't you explore that. "Religeous" commentary is low hanging fruit you frigging chump. Step it up

  11. Closing should have been, "Shes going to let Muhammad finish, but Jesus Christ had the greatest Gospel of all time!". (I'm Jesus IRL, I'm back Tosh, nothing you can do about it!)
    '

  12. I thought what she did was awesome! The fact is if you believe that Christian's are extreme with their beliefs and speaking out against covert satanism and Islam. Keep ignoring and bashing them because meanwhile the nation of Islam that so many of you defend are a million times worse. They have 10+ children in each house hold where, and us, do to birth control and abortion. American so called Christian's have only 2. It's a numbers game. Islam will be the number one religion in the world and in just a few short decades. When it comes to modern day religion based inquisitors and persecutors the nation of Islam is second to non. Beheadings, stonings, and spousal abuse is not only common practice it is considered to be law. If man doesn't control and discipline his wife and children he will be subjected to his own trial. So don't bash who you have now, support them. Because the alternate is way worse, and all of you sinners and blasphemors will be persecuted to the ends of the earth. Real talk

  13. I like how at the Islam clip, she says her line, then pauses, like she didn't know what else to say. She probably didn't think she'd get that far lol. What a piece of shit.

  14. He should actually sell that bill cosby drink I’d buy it. Lol Also I don’t think she was scripted lol. You can tell she legitimately hates him. Lol

  15. UNITED NATIONS AGENDA 21. YOURE ALL DEAD BY 2030. GLOBAL DEPOPULATION. BTW THAT IS A NUMBER 6 IN HEBREW. BUT U BRAINDEAD AMERICANS JUST LAUGH. YOU DESERVE TO RULED OVER AND DEPOPULATED

  16. I love Hippocrates like her that are told in the bible to not judge because that Gods job, But she see herself as more important then GOD and runs around making all kinds of judgment. She the the typical judgmental christian.

  17. We make fun of her for being a nut and yet I'd guess the majority of society follows the same pattern of logic. Classic confirmation bias. "I believe this to be true." And so using that predetermined bias, they formulate all opinions and base their ideologies upon it. People see what they want to see.

  18. I am a butler, My Sir, drinks monster energy drinks, they are disgusting, but he loves them..
    So yes presidents and CEO's drink that crap…..

  19. How is proclaiming Christianity over Islam a bad thing to do in the US? This country was founded by Christians for Christians.

  20. People like her that are overly sensitive and force their opinions and judgment upon others are hypocrites in the pursuit from..just the fact that they say u won't get in to heaven for drinking something like monster is against everything real love is about. But i am converted and have found a new religion. If i was going to tell u what it was.(and i am not) the only thing I could say about it is it is the truth. And yes u r welcome to share in .love and kindness for all right along with me. Just dont be judgmental or bad to others in anyway. Live good wile doing the right thing to all.make good decisions and avoid problems wile respesting all.
    Now dosent that sound nice.

  21. I remembered I used a straw so I don’t mock the cross lol cuz I was so addicted to monster, now I move up to bang and reign

  22. Wow. What that woman did was brave and true. America was built on judeo-christian principles. I like my America that way. I prefer Muslims to stay where they are. Fact is they perceive us as infidels and will never assimilate to our culture, or accept us. Their goal is to dominate and annihilate infidels. Once you get over your political incorrectness. You know it's true

  23. Uhm the cross upside down is only satanic in movies. I believe it was Peter who asked to be crucified upside down because he didn’t feel worthy of being crucified in the same manner as Christ

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